Sunday, January 10, 2010

Are we as runners ever happy?

Are we as runners ever happy? A blog one of my friends Bethany wrote really has got me thinking lately. She mentioned in it that once she completed the ultimate running goal a Marathon that she was left thinking what now? Well this got me thinking, are we as runners ever satisfied with what we can do?

I remember when I first started running and could not even run ¼ mile before I felt like I was going to die. My goal at the time was to run a 5k. Well I did that so then I had to have another goal, then another and another. Now I know that part of life is setting goals and striving to reach them then setting more, but is there an end?

The reason this has gotten to me so much is because it has really made me think about my running. If you asked me if I was happy with my running I would answer yes without a doubt. But sitting back and really thinking about it I would have to say no absolutely not. Currently I have no running goals, I want to try and have another baby this year so there is not much I can really plan for, but I am still not happy with my running. 2 years ago I would have never believed that I could run as much or as fast as I am running now, but nope still not happy. I want to run faster, I want to run longer, and I want to run more.

I am always the first to admit that I am a slow runner; I tell everyone this and have accepted that fact. Well people here is the truth, I have not accepted it, I am pissed off about it. I want to be faster, I am embarrassed to run with people because I hold them back with my slow pace. Do I want to run a 2hr Marathon, hell yeah but I know that is not going to happen although a 4hr one would be nice. I think I always pretend that I am OK with my pace because it makes it easier to deal with. I do my speed work, but my pace does not seem to change much. I don’t want to just accept the fact that I am slow, I want to be faster a 9min pace would make me happy. But I know once I reached that I would want an 8min pace. Ahh the never ending goal.

As far as running longer, I am just amazed that I have gone as far as 14 miles at one time. I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought I could do that… but I did. Of course next is the Marathon, the big 26.2 miles of running glory. I wonder once that is complete if that will be enough for me or if like Bethany I will be left feeling like what’s next? I know some runners that move on to Ultra’s 50k, 50miles, and 100miles. Or there are the runners who decide to do 1 marathon in every state, Or ones that go for the BQ (Boston Qualifying time), I even know many who move on to Triathlons, but I am not sure if I have met any runners who say OK I did 26.2 now I am done. Are there any who do? So what will happen when I do 26.2, will I be happy with it or will I want to do more? Will I ever just be happy and content with what I can do or what I have done? Don’t mistake me here, I am very proud of what I have done and what I can do, I’m just not content with it. Maybe that is it, we runners are proud and happy with what we do and can do we just are not content with it once it is done. Maybe we just have to see what our bodies can really do, what we can do if we dig deep and push harder than we thought we could.

Well the Marathon goal is out for me till I have another baby, but I am curious to what will be next for me after that. I am sure there will be something lurking behind that finish line, what will it be?

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