Friday, December 9, 2011

Scared to Run

Have you ever been scared to run?  There are so many reasons you could be.  The dark might make you scared, the seclusion, the fear of not being able to do it, the fear that you can do it, or maybe the fear of getting hurt.

It is funny, I have lots of fears that I don’t let rule my life.  Pretty much all of those fears listed above can describe how I have felt from time to time, but I don’t let them affect me or my running.  Well until you get to that last one, the fear of getting hurt.  I am not scared I will trip and fall (though I guess that could happen) I am afraid the stress fracture I had last year will return.

I was actually kind of lucky when I got the fracture, you see right after I found out I had it I found out I was pregnant so taking time off from running did not seem too bad.  But once that baby was born and I found some motivation I started running again.  My leg felt fine so no worries, I signed up for a half marathon to keep me motivated (after all I had some baby weight to loose).  My training was going great, but when I got home after my 10 miler the pain was back.  Yes the pain right in the same spot as my fracture.  That is when the fear gripped me, Oh no it is not healed, I can’t run, what will I do?

I went to the doctor and he assured me I did not have a stress fracture the bone was just stressed.  He also told me I could run, just to back off the mileage.  Great news right?  Well after every run my leg would hurt and my fear of not being able to run would take over till it finally consumed me to the point where I did not run.

Isn’t it funny how my fear of not running caused me to not run?  Fear is a funny thing and can make us do funny things.  It has actually been over a month now since I have run (well before this week that is) my fear was so strong.  At the same time the fear was keeping me from running, depression was taking over because I was not running.  I would see a runner out while driving and wish it were me, but then fear that if I ran my fracture would return and I would not be able to run at all.

Finally after several weeks of not running, I got to thinking about my fear and how silly I was being.  I mean here I am so scared that I might not be able to run that I am not running. I was making my worst fear happen, and I was doing it to myself.  So Monday afternoon, I did it I got on the treadmill and ran for 2 miles.  And today I did it again.  I feel great, and the best part is I have no pain in my leg. 

I plan to take it slow and keep the mileage down for now, but I learned a lesson about fear.  You can’t let fear rule you because if you do, it will make your worst fears come true!

What is your fear?  Do you let it control you?


Nursing Stroller-Pushing Marathoner said...

yay glad u r out there running again! i agree, fear can make us do crazy things. i was just thinking about that the other day. i was thinking about the word petrified and what it's like to be frozen with fear. it is ironic how our fears can lead us right to the place we're afraid of, but isn't it wonderful to conquer ur fears. makes u feel really alive right!

oh and to answer ur question, i am scared of way too many things. but running helps me conquer my fears. :)

Hungrigyrl said...

Yeah! Glad you conquered your fear and just made it happen! I am scared of running alone out doors and getting attacked either by a person or a dog. It's a very real, valid fear but I have to remember how unlikely it is to happen. I just need to stay on my toes so to speak!