Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Body Image/Perspective

I have been active/fit for years.  I have had my ups and downs with my weight and injuries.  But the one thing that has always stayed the same is my body image/perspective.  You see no matter how much muscle I have or how much I weigh on the scale I ALWAYS think I need to loose more weight.  I have never looked at myself in the past and thought I looked great.  When I go back and look at photos of myself I always think WOW, how did I not think I looked good?  But as always in the actual time I never think I am thin enough or fit enough. 
This is me 12 years ago
Right now in my life I am probably at my fittest, there is not much I can't do and even though I don't run as much as I have in the past I have trained for a half in 3 weeks and been ready for it.  My body is stronger than it has ever been, I lift weights three times a week and it shows.  Yet still I look in the mirror and see how much I still need to do, how much fat is still on this body.
Me right after my divorce and 6 months later.
It is funny because I got divorced over 2 years ago and at that time I was the heaviest I have ever been.  I know the work and dedication I have put into getting back to me, yet I still can't appreciate it.  Last summer I went to Florida to visit the family and some of my family teased me about my "MOM" swimsuit.  For the first time in my life I felt comfortable in a swimsuit and thought I was rocking a sporty one that showed my muscles!  LOL, then I go back and look at pictures and see how much it covered up and how baggie it really is.  So I went shopping for a new bikini and though I bought it last year I am still yet to ever wear it.  I just don't have a bikini bod!
My super hot "MOM" swimsuit (FYI still my favorite because it covers everything!)

I want so much to be happy with my body, to love what it can do and embrace it's flaws.  This seems so easy to do right?  It's not.  No matter how many times I tell myself that I look good or try and repeat all the awesome things my body can do, I still look at myself and see all the fat.  Yes there are parts of my body I am happy with, but truth be told not many.  And in this day and age of dating, it has to be the most sobering and humbling experience for anyone with body issues.  For every guy out there that will tell you that you look great there is the one that is not interested because you are not thin enough.  And even though I know everyone is attracted to different things and there will always be someone that is not attracted to me for some reason or other, it still never fails to send me to the mirror and I think to myself "He's right, I still need to loose about 10 to 15 more pounds!". 

Me trying on Swimsuits, and not happy with what I see

How do we get over our body image/perspective?  How do you look in the mirror and like what you see?  At 41 my fear is that I will never like what I see in the mirror, even if I can loose that last 10 to 15 pounds I'll sill have stretch mark's and wrinkles now.  Do you have body issues?  Do you LOVE your body?  I have been following Foodie Girl Fitness on Facebook.  She looks amazing, however she still has flaws, yet she can still embrace them and love her body.  One day I hope to be able to do the same.  For now I am still on my mission to get that bikini body and actually wear this swimsuit out in the sunshine.  I am hoping that by taking pictures every month with my progress that I will see changes and come to at least appreciate the work I am putting in. 

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