Body Image/Perspective

I have been active/fit for years.  I have had my ups and downs with my weight and injuries.  But the one thing that has always stayed the same is my body image/perspective.  You see no matter how much muscle I have or how much I weigh on the scale I ALWAYS think I need to loose more weight.  I have never looked at myself in the past and thought I looked great.  When I go back and look at photos of myself I always think WOW, how did I not think I looked good?  But as always in the actual time I never think I am thin enough or fit enough. 

This is me 12 years ago

Right now in my life I am probably at my fittest, there is not much I can't do and even though I don't run as much as I have in the past I have trained for a half in 3 weeks and been ready for it.  My body is stronger than it has ever been, I lift weights three times a week and it shows.  Yet still I look in the mirror and see how much I still need to do, how much fat is still on this body.

Me right after my divorce and 6 months later.

It is funny because I got divorced over 2 years ago and at that time I was the heaviest I have ever been.  I know the work and dedication I have put into getting back to me, yet I still can't appreciate it.  Last summer I went to Florida to visit the family and some of my family teased me about my "MOM" swimsuit.  For the first time in my life I felt comfortable in a swimsuit and thought I was rocking a sporty one that showed my muscles!  LOL, then I go back and look at pictures and see how much it covered up and how baggie it really is.  So I went shopping for a new bikini and though I bought it last year I am still yet to ever wear it.  I just don't have a bikini bod!

My super hot "MOM" swimsuit (FYI still my favorite because it covers everything!)

I want so much to be happy with my body, to love what it can do and embrace it's flaws.  This seems so easy to do right?  It's not.  No matter how many times I tell myself that I look good or try and repeat all the awesome things my body can do, I still look at myself and see all the fat.  Yes there are parts of my body I am happy with, but truth be told not many.  And in this day and age of dating, it has to be the most sobering and humbling experience for anyone with body issues.  For every guy out there that will tell you that you look great there is the one that is not interested because you are not thin enough.  And even though I know everyone is attracted to different things and there will always be someone that is not attracted to me for some reason or other, it still never fails to send me to the mirror and I think to myself "He's right, I still need to loose about 10 to 15 more pounds!". 


Me trying on Swimsuits, and not happy with what I see

How do we get over our body image/perspective?  How do you look in the mirror and like what you see?  At 41 my fear is that I will never like what I see in the mirror, even if I can loose that last 10 to 15 pounds I'll sill have stretch mark's and wrinkles now.  Do you have body issues?  Do you LOVE your body?  I have been following Foodie Girl Fitness on Facebook.  She looks amazing, however she still has flaws, yet she can still embrace them and love her body.  One day I hope to be able to do the same.  For now I am still on my mission to get that bikini body and actually wear this swimsuit out in the sunshine.  I am hoping that by taking pictures every month with my progress that I will see changes and come to at least appreciate the work I am putting in. 

 

 



Getting Back to Me!

Garmin 1/2 Marathon 2015

Wow, the last year has been a tough one.  My husband and I got divorced last year and had to continue to live together till we sold our house which took WAY too long (almost a year) and things started to get a little ugly.  But the house is sold, I have bought a new house for the girls and I, and things are finally starting to get back to a normal feel. 

Last month I did my first half marathon since the Disney Princess half back in 2010. Because of all the shin issues I had after that it took many years to get up the courage to run that distance again, but I am happy to report that I did it injury free!  I am even thinking about running another one later this year. 

Right now I am really focused in loosing all the emotional weight I have gained over the last year and getting back to my old self again.  It is hard finding my new happy, but it is coming slowly and the future is looking very bright right now. 

I decided I wanted to get back to my blogging. My life has taking an incredible turn, but I am looking forward to everything my new life has to offer and can't wait to see where this journey takes my girls and I. 

Fat Fit vs Skinny Fat

I am sure you have all heard the term Skinny Fat, if not it is used to describe people who are skinny but are not really in shape.  Well I was thinking today that there should be a term for those of us who are fat but are still in good shape, maybe Fat Fit?  Can you be fat and still fit?  I think so; I probably need to lose about 30+ pounds so I would be considered fat my most standards.  But at the same time I can run 8 miles, I can swim over a ¼ mile; I can bike over 15 miles, and do many other active fit things.  So even though I am fat I consider myself to be pretty fit.  

I wonder though why our society is totally fine with people who are Skinny Fat but not okay with those of us who are Fit & Fat.  I mean really I may have some extra pounds on me but I am in much better shape than some skinny people I know, and I set the heart monitors off at the doctors because my resting heart rate is so low (that is because I AM a runner).  So why is it that people choose to judge me because I have had a hard time losing all this weight after having two kids?  Why don’t they judge the girl who sits around eating crap and watching TV all day but just happens to have an awesome metabolism?  How is that girl better than me?   How is that girl Healthier than me?

Do I want to lose the extra weight I have?  Yes, but to be honest I have been trying and am really not sure at all what I am doing wrong at this point.  I even change to a totally Vegan diet and did not lose a pound.  So I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that I am now fat and maybe fat for a while (until I can figure out why I am not losing any weight).   

So as a society maybe before we decide to judge the chubby girl for letting her self-go or for being a couch potato maybe you should find out if she is just someone who is Fat & Fit and could maybe be in even better shape than you!

Our first run with BOB

Well I ended up having to take Friday off of work since there was no school and my sitter had the day off.  And since I had the girls you know I had to go try out the new BOB right. 

I was a little sad when I woke up and it was 40 degrees out, I was not sure if I should take the girls out when it was that chilly.  But I asked some of my Running Mom friends and they just told me to bundle them up and they would be fine so that is what I did.

Since I had no plans for the day I drove out to my favorite trail (Mill Creek).  It is such a nice trail to run on and I always see other runners, walkers, or bikers which is nice too.  The kids really seemed to enjoy the run; it was Little Bit’s first run ever (how have I never taken her on a run in the past year?).  But Munchkin is an old pro at this. Even our doggie Prada was excited to go running and try out the new stroller, she was not bothered by it at all and ran right next to it the whole run.

Within the first mile of out run we saw 2 deer, Munchkin was so excited she wanted to go pet them and be there friend and did not understand why they ran away.  She just loves all animals and thinks they are all her friend (she is so my daughter). 

I have to admit that after about a mile I was getting pretty winded.  It is a LOT harder to push two kids than it is to run alone.  So I had to take a couple walk brakes but it was still a great workout and we all had fun so that is really what matters. 

We found an off road section of the trail and had to try it out to see how BOB did off roading.  Still a smooth nice ride for the girls and still easy for me to push, man I love this stroller! 

After I got my run in we had to stop at the playground for the girls to play a bit.  They were so good on the run they deserved some play time. 

April Goal Updates

My running goal is right on track, I ran about 9 miles last week which is more than I needed for my goal.   My Ab challenge however is not doing so well.  Forgot all about it over the weekend and have not done my daily ab 30/30/30 in a few days.  But plan to restart that up today.  The good news is I weighed myself and I lost another 2.5 pounds last week so we are right on track.

Virtual 5k

Have you signed up for the Race to Cure Diabetes?  All proceeds of this Virtual 5k benefit JDRF, which is a great cause.  If you have not signed up go here and sign up today.  The race is later this month and you can run anywhere (that is why it is a virtual 5k).  And just by registering you are entered to win so many awesome prizes it is just crazy how many awesome things have been donated.  So sign up today.

Introducing my new friend BOB

I have been waiting to meet Bob for a very long time.  When I had my first daughter I looked for Bob but he was just out of reach.  When I had my second daughter, there was no way I could even think about it. 

So how did we finally meet after so many years?  I found him on Craigs List, and for an AWESOME price.  I know what you all are thinking “I check Craigs list all the time and don’t see Bob”.  Well keep looking, because that is what I thought too.  In my town I found that most people who want to sell their Bob’s list them late at night so you need to be ready to JUMP first thing in the morning.  As soon as you wake up check the listings.  Then send an email if they leave a number call (well maybe wait till 8am for that).

You see Bob is very popular and so many people want to be his friend so if you don’t act fast and keep on trying even when you think you will never meet then you will never meet him.  I had my doubts about our meeting, but I am so glad I kept on trying because as of yesterday Bob is my friend. 

You can imagine my excitement and desire to put my girls in this new stroller and try it out, but alas my oldest had Gymnastics last night (annoying right!).  So I had to wait till she was done with that then I loaded up the girls and just ran around in front of the house.  This thing handles like a dream.  So smooth even on the rocky road (did I mention I live in BFE).  The girls liked it, and said it was a smooth ride for them (okay only the oldest talks and she said that, but I am sure the little one would have said it too if she could talk).   And yes I totally made my hubs stand in the front of the house and snap pictures of me running around in circles.  Hey this is a family affair ;)

So my first impression of Mr. Bob.  He is a total dream.  I could not have asked for or gotten a better stroller. This thing just glides much easier to push than the single jogger I have.  Next week I plan to take this baby out for a longer ride, or maybe I won’t wait that long.  And I promise to keep you all updated on my new buddy, but don’t ask to borrow him he is MINE (wow I am just a little possessive huh).

Are you friends with Bob? 

April Goals

I have found that I do much better when I have a goal or challange.  So this month I am going to do both. 

The group of running moms that I belong too better known as the Running Mom Mafia are doing an ab challange for the month of April.  The challange is to do three different types of ab workouts a day 30 reps of each so it is a 30/30/30 challage.  I got my reps in last night and plan to keep it going for the rest of this month. 

A lot of the moms are taking before pictures but I actually took a before picture a couple weeks ago so that I can see my weight loss as I progress. I am not going to post because I just am not happy with the way I look right now.  I knwo it should not matter but it does and I don't want that picture across the web of me, well maybe if I photoshop it but then it would not be a very good before picture.  I do promise to post it at a later date with my after picture.

That there is my challage for April now for my goal.  My April goal is to run 30 miles.  I know not a lot but truth be told I have not even been coming close to that and I don't want to start off with a big jump in millage (still scared of my leg). 

It is funny because when I break down the mileage by week it come to 7.5 miles a week and I am actually a little intimadated by that.  It has been a while since I ran this much so it really is a good goal that I know if I really try I can acheive, but I have to get out there and do it.  Feel free to push me, I may need it!

So there you have it now it is all on paper and the pressure is on.  I WILL DO THIS!

Do you set goals for your self each month?

The power of Positive Thinking

This past week has been a tough one.  I did not work out one day and well did not eat very well either.  I am an emotional eater and my emotions were going crazy. 

My hubs is being activated and will be gone for a couple months and the bitterness and resentment finally set in.  It is hard knowing that he will get to rest and relax (he will where he is going, and the type of job it is) while I am here going crazy with the kids and trying to keep up with this house, pets, and work.  URH, I have been very resentful. 

I am a very happy glass is half full person, I pretty much have always been.  It is not often I let myself fall into despair and let these evil little things eat away at my happy go lucky attitude.  But last week I let it all fester and was just a sad ugly mess for a few days.

It is funny though I woke up yesterday with my old attitude back.  I was happy; I was looking forward to what the day brought, I was just glad to be alive.  I think these unhappy times are needed for however long or short they are so that I can really appreciate all the good and just enjoy my own happiness.  Does that make since?

It also looks like I am finally getting a Bob duallie (this will help so much with the hubs gone).  I was finally the first person to contact a seller on Craigs List.  I have been trying for a while.  And last week there were three ads I called on but the day I was back to my positive self I get it.  I tell you there is something to this being positive and positive things will happen thing. 

So it is the start of a new week and life is back to normal here, I am excited to get my day started.  Am I still bitter and resentful that my hubs is leaving, maybe a little if I am to be totally honest.  But it is something I have no control over so why stay so upset it was truly only hurting me. 

So remember if you are feeling down for whatever reason,  it is okay to be down for a while but if you stay that way it is only hurting you.  Find your inner happiness stay positive and good things will happen.

Oh and don't forget to sign up for the Virtual 5k to support JDRF.  It is a great cause and one that is close to my heart.  My good friend Tara is working so hard on this.  And if you registar you can stat winning prizes tomorrow.  So click the link above on the right and register today! (if you click the link you can also see all the awesome prizes there are that you can win).

Do you believe in the power of Positive Thinking?